Never Eat Alone Read online

  Once you've got a hook—some subject of interest you'd like to explore that you think others will find interesting—get in touch with the editor of a publication that's likely to publish such material. You don't have to make the op-ed page of the New York Times. Community newspapers, professional newsletters, even in-house company publications have white space they need to fill. At this stage, all you're looking for is some tentative buy-in, a small show of interest that you can use to gain access to others in researching the piece. And once you get published, you've got a track record— and samples of your work that you can use to snatch more chances.

  What's an editor going to say when you pitch him or her an idea? Probably something like "Sure, sounds great. Very busy. Gotta go. Let me see it when it's done." This is how editors talk and this is what they invariably say.

  But now, when you call others to interview them, you're not just Joe Shmo, you're Joe Shmo calling about an article targeted for the Poughkeepsie Gazette (or something like that). And these aren't just random people you're calling, either. These are the people you've painstakingly targeted as the top experts and thinkers in the subject you're investigating.

  What you've just unknowingly done, by calling these people and setting up an interview, is established a terrific environment for meeting anyone anywhere. The odds will never be stacked so clearly in your favor. The subject of conversation is something you know the other person is fascinated with. And by then, you'll have had the time to become pretty snazzy with the subject yourself. You're offering value through the publicity you'll potentially garner. And the mutual understanding that you're working together toward a common objective will make what would normally be a formal affair into something much closer. It's an opportunity to shine!

  Most of the time, I like to share credit and offer a byline to the person who becomes most helpful. Explain that their insights are truly unique and impressive and that you would welcome their coauthorship. You'll do the research and writing and all they have to do is give some time and energy to the project. Then, once you begin to collaborate, ask them (or they more than likely will volunteer) to open their network to you for additional research and interviews. And just like that, you're expanding your network exponentially with contacts that otherwise might have seemed out of reach.

  Guess what? By article's end, whether it's been published or not, you've managed to learn a great deal and to meet a group of important people who potentially might be important to your future. And you now have a very good reason to stay in touch with them.

  26. Getting Close to Power

  As long as you're going to think anyway, think big.

  — DONALD TRUMP

  Newt Gingrich, the famous Republican politician and ailabout-Washington gadfly, is known to tell a story about a lion and a field mouse. A lion, he says, can use his prodigious hunting skills to capture a field mouse with relative ease anytime he wants, but at the end of the day, no matter how many mice he's ensnared, he'll still be starving.

  The moral of the story: Sometimes, despite the risk and work involved, it's worth our time to go for the antelope.

  Are you only connecting with field mice? If you are, start turning your attention to reaching out to the sort of important people that can make a difference in your life and the lives of others. The kind of people who can make you, and your network, sparkle.

  The conscious pursuit of people with power and celebrity has a bad rap. We're taught to see it as an expression of vanity and superficiality. We regard it as a cheap and easy means of getting ahead. As a result, instead of acting on our impulses, we repress them. We buy celebrity magazines like People, Us Weekly, or, in the case of business folks, Fortune, to peer safely from a distance into a world we're so obviously hungry to know more about.

  I, on the other hand, think there's absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing this world more directly. Seeking the influence of powerful people in our lives is not crass or misguided; it can be enormously helpful. Again, no one does it alone, whatever our goal or mission. We need the help of lots of others.

  Why is it that we're so taken with the lives of big achievers? If we measure our accomplishments against the accomplishments of others, it stands to reason that the more accomplished the people we associate with, the greater our aspirations become.

  People who fit our conventional notions of fame and celebrity often have qualities or skills that we admire. Many of these people have achieved great things through risk, passion, focus, hard work, and positive attitudes. And so many of them have overcome so much.

  Of course, celebrity can mean all sorts of things to all sorts of people. I define celebrity as public recognition by a large share of a certain group. In other words, fame is a matter of context. In college, public recognition is given to tenured professors or wellknown deans. In a small midwestern town, the celebrities may be a politician, successful entrepreneur, or outspoken longtime resident. These people have a disproportionate degree of influence over the group they inhabit. That's why it has become popular to use celebrities as spokespersons for major brands. They increase awareness, create positive feelings around a company, and play an important role in convincing consumers of a product's attractiveness. Local mini-celebrities within your own group can do the same for your brand.

  That's what social scientists call "power by association": It's the power that arises from being identified with influential people. You can see this phenomenon at work everywhere. Power that arises from internal associations, for example, can include personal assistants and gatekeepers who may not be very high on the ladder in terms of company hierarchy, but who are powerful simply because of their proximity and access to the chief executive officer.

  External associations, such as powerful politicians, influential news reporters, mass media personalities, and so on, also help to enhance one's profile inside and outside an organization. That's why a smart start-up company, for example, will seek to populate its board of directors with recognized business personalities who can impart credibility to a new business. Certainly, having the ear of influential celebrities or journalists can mean more favorable coverage of you and your company or an unprecedented amount of coverage for your charity.

  Fame breeds fame. The fact is, all my prowess for reaching out to other people would be far less effective if a few of those people in my Rolodex weren't well-known names. The hard truth is that the ones who get ahead are usually those who know how to make highly placed people feel good about having them around. Plus, they add a little magic. Real or imagined, these people have that X factor that can magnify a moment and turn a prosaic dinner party into something magnificent.

  Problem is, while we're excited by the idea of meeting "celebrities," they are often not all that anxious to meet us. So how can we get close to them?

  There are no easy answers. But if you pursue these people in a sincere manner, with good intentions, you're not being manipulative. And if you are emboldened by a mission and you've put in the time and hard work to establish a web of people that count on you, then the time will come when your growing influence will put you in a place where you'll be face-to-face with someone who can convey a lot of sparkle to your next dinner party. You'll get close to power simply by virtue of reaching out and following the the advice I have offered in this book.

  When this does inevitably occur for you, there are a few things to keep in mind that I've learned through the years.

  While I'm aware of the impact a recognized persona can have on one's network, and I'm certainly not shy about putting myself in a place where meeting such people can occur, too much fuss and adoration will kill your efforts before they begin. Folks are folks.

  This came into play years ago when I was at the Vanity Fair party at the old Russian Embassy following the White House Press Corps dinner. When I was standing in line for cocktails, the man beside me seemed awfully familiar. At first, I thought he was a politician. Then I placed his face as someone who was involved i
n politics, but behind the scenes in some manner, one of the President's key advisors.

  I was right—sort of. The man was Richard Schiff, the actor who played the communications advisor to the fictional president played by Martin Sheen in The West Wing. Out of context, I'm terrible with recognizing TV stars.

  Just as casually as if he were someone I didn't know at all, I introduced myself. He paused slightly, as celebrities are apt to do before engaging with someone they don't know, and politely said hello without introducing himself.

  "And you are?" I asked. When he realized I didn't know who he was immediately, he opened up. We ultimately exchanged e-mails and stayed in touch.

  I've found that trust is the essential element of mixing with powerful and famous people—trust that you'll be discreet; trust that you have no ulterior motives behind your approach; trust that you'll deal with them as people and not as stars; and basically trust that you feel like a peer who deserves to be engaged as such. The first few moments of an encounter is the litmus test for such a person to size up whether he or she can trust you in these ways or not.

  The irony of celebrities is that they often have very fragile egos. In many cases, something in them drove them to want to be famous. Imagine being publicly scrutinized by thousands of peopie each day! However much the world opens up to celebrities, a part of it also closes. There is a loss of privacy. And because they live in a world of adulation, celebrities struggle every day balancing their private and public personas. They often fret over the fact that their public persona becomes indistinguishable from their private personality. They feel misunderstood and underappreciated for who they really are.

  To assure them that you're interested in them for themselves, rather than what the public perceives them to be, stay away from their fame and focus, instead, on their interests. You can certainly let them know that you respect their work, but don't dwell. Take them away from what they are normally barraged with.

  Unfortunately, sometimes we make inappropriate exceptions when talking to exceptional people. You simply have to watch and listen with your heart as well as with your eyes. Find out what their passions are.

  Not long ago, I saw the then-Governor of Vermont, Howard Dean, give a speech. It was at Renaissance Weekend and people were joking about this unknown governor of this small state and his crazy aspirations to become President. The next time I saw him speak was at a nonprofit event for human rights in D.C. By now, he was indeed running for President, although no one took him seriously.

  Intrigued by Dean and his message, I approached one of the people in his campaign staff (which, at the time, was one campaign aide and a state trooper). I told the aide that I was a politically active fellow Yale alum who was interested in meeting the presidential hopeful at some point. The aide and I had a good talk and I did talk briefly with Dean, as did many other folks at the event.

  Two weeks later, there Dean was again at the Gill Foundation's annual meeting in California, preparing to deliver the same talk I had heard a couple weeks before. It would be the third time I saw him speak on essentially the same subject, and I had some thoughts on how he might deliver his speech more forcefully. I caught the attention of his aide and asked if I could get a second with the governor. We found him near the podium where he was preparing minutes before he was to go on stage. I told him that I had seen his talk on a number of occasions, I had spoken with his aide, and I had some ideas for how he could deliver his speech with more impact. I suggested that he emphasize a few points here, play down a few points there, and cut down the length. Yes, I was taking some risk, but what did I have to lose? And I was very sincere in my suggestions. I cared about his message on human rights and wanted him to get it across powerfully.

  As I sat in the audience, I heard one recommendation after another come to life in his speech. Holy cow! The Governor of Vermont and by now full-fledged presidential candidate (although still a really long shot) was taking my advice. After his talk, I told him how impressive the talk was and that I wanted to devote the rest of the event to introducing him to all the movers and shakers (read: big donors) within the Gill Foundation.

  Months later, when I saw the governor again at a fundraising dinner party at the director Rob Reiner's home, he was no longer an obscure candidate but a popular maverick setting the tone for the entire Democratic nomination. Someone introduced the two of us. "Governor, do you know Keith Ferrazzi?" Governor Dean replied, "Of course I know Keith. He's one of the main people responsible for me getting the traction that made such a difference in the early days." And I truly felt at that moment that I had made a difference.

  Just remember that famous and powerful people are first and foremost people: They're proud, sad, insecure, hopeful, and if you can help them achieve their goals, in whatever capacity, they will be appreciative. Yes, it helps to be at the right places and invited to the right events. But the fancy weekends and invite-only conferences aren't the only ways to meet important people.

  In America, there is an association for everything. If you want to meet the movers and shakers directly, you have to become a joiner. It's amazing how accessible people are when we meet them at events that speak to their interests.

  Here are a few more places that I've found particularly rewarding when looking to find people on the rise or who have already risen:

  Young Presidents' Organization (YPO)

  This organization is for executive managers under the age of forty-four and has regional chapters across the United States. If you're running a business, or want to, there are plenty of entrepreneurial organizations that will put you in front of the corporate chieftains of tomorrow. Similar professional organizations exist for the entire range of vocational pursuits. Graphic artists, lawyers, computer programmers, and garbage collectors—like every other occupation—have a union or group that serves as an advocate for their interests. There is strength in numbers, and when you join such a group, and become a central figure in that group's activities, you'll become someone whom other powerful people will seek to deal with.

  Political Fundraisers

  Although I once ran for office as a Republican, I no longer openly discuss my political affiliation. Why? First, because I now vote the person and the issues, not the party. Also so I have access to those who are making a difference in both parties. I try and do three to ten fundraisers at my home each year, supporting both regional and national politicians who I believe will make a positive difference from both sides of the aisle. Politics is the nexus of money, passion, and power. In politics, the unknown person you help today is the political heavy that can help you tomorrow. Join a local campaign. Become an outspoken advocate on a particular issue; if it lights your fire, it's sure to light the fire of others: Find them and work together!

  Conferences

  When you have something unique to say and become a speaker, you momentarily become a celebrity in your own right. Networking is never easier than when people are coming to you. There are thousands of conferences that indulge any number of interests. If you develop a side expertise or passion, as I've suggested earlier, you can find out which well-known people share your interest and attend the conferences that these people will likely attend. Spirituality in leadership and human rights are two passions of mine; I try to participate by being active in several organizations and speaking at several conferences a year. I've met countless prominent people this way.

  Nonprofit Boards

  Start out by finding four or five issues that are important to you and then support them locally. Successful nonprofits seek out a few famous people to sit on their boards to help them get publicity. Eventually, the goal is to become a board member yourself and sit side by side with these people. But be sure you care and indeed want to help the cause.

  Sports (Especially Golf)

  Sports and exercise are terrific areas where you can meet new, important people. On the field or court, in the gym or on the track, it's a level playing field. Reputation means little.
What does matter is the skill you have and the camaraderie you can create. There's something about athletics that gets people to put down their guard. Maybe competition of this sort taps into our psyche in a certain way that brings us back to a more innocent time when we were kids throwing a ball around on the street. Or maybe it's the venue itself—away from the office, on a squash court or the rolling green hills of a golf course.

  Ah, golf. I would be doing you an injustice if I didn't tell you squarely that golf, among all other sports, remains the true hub of America's business elite. I've seen up close and personal how highprofile CEOs and executives lobby desperately—often for years— to be admitted into a private golf club. Why do these men and women of power endure this humiliation to play a round or two? It is, of course, the relationships, the building of friendships, the camaraderie that is created with people who they know could be very important to their company or career.

  The rules of conduct are strict. It should never appear to anyone that you are trying to cash in on relationships or your membership in the club. At some clubs, to so much as hint at a future business deal on the course is a breach of etiquette; at others, you can be rather blatant about it. You'll need to feel that out. But most avid golfers will admit that the game has opened up countless opportunities. They do, ultimately, get to do business with one another—even if it's on the nineteenth hole, at the bar, over drinks. Golfers also say that the experience on the course with another person is very telling. It comes down, again, to trust. A CEO can tell if a future business partner is discreet, if he or she plays by the rules, if he or she can handle stress or is a pleasure to be around. It is both a chance to meet new people and see if these new people are up to snuff.

  Because the game has proven so useful, there are many ways one can enjoy its extracurricular benefits at any level. Almost all industry associations host regular golf outings and tournaments.